All posts for the month January, 2007

Chicken and Sweetcorn

I used to travel by late night bus when I had been out in the city centre. There were generally many of us returning via the same bus route as the 808 wove through the Southside. At the bus stop, a few folk would sit waiting on a set of stairs outside a council office. For whatever reason, there was a fairly large hole just about the size of a pizza box.

Inevitably, a pizza box was placed atop this hole. A lone drunk stumbles into view, his feet homing into the trap. Then he is down, the drunkeness immediately fades as pain takes over. he turns, enraged, towards 20 people laughing at him. The impotent rage fades into verbal abuse, and he limps off with a broken spirit knowing that nothing he can do would save face.

And then the wheel turns again and someone repositions the box.

He just doesn’t listen.

Something fairly unique about where I live is that I’m not a native speaker, and I can generally ignore what others are talking about when trvalling by public transport. It’s not unusual for folk to speak in Russian, Turkish, Arabic, etc. while I stare out of the window in transit.

This has the unfortunate side effect of allowing me to pinpoint English speakers, and I cannot tune them out. I don’t really care for the personal detail of other people’s lives, but I usually get to hear them.

The worst part of this is returning to somewhere that everyone speak English. I assume that being involuntarily psychic is like this, a thousand minds screaming personal information all at once.

In which a young boy leads a retard around a dreamscape.

If your idea of a good game is dragging a retard by the hand around some nice environments, by all means go ahead. I could get much the same experience by breaking into a mental hospital and stealing a patient. Only one of us is going to see weird shadow creatures though.

I seem to be finding it quite a struggle to play a game to completion these days. I finished Zelda last night, and by that I mean that I completed the main quest beating you know who at the end.

It was a real chore to finish it, the final tier of boss fights had an above average count of cheating. In particular the one where you need to bounce the ball of light back to the thrower was bad, suffering from odd physics. I’m not sure if it was quite as frustrating as the arrow bounce from the Wind Waker boss, but it was certainly comparable. At least the Wind Waker final boss fight was fairly succinct. Looking back on it, my opinion of Twilight Princess is that it was an odd mix of a traditional Zelda(if there is indeed such a thing), and a design methodology that suits the Wii but not really the Gamecube. It was frustrating to have only 2 items available at any time, even the Ocarina of Time had three slots.

I had fun with it, but I’m not sure if I really enjoyed it or just put up with it because it was the last thing I’d play on the Gamecube. The Stallord boss fight on the spinner was top notch though.

Final Score : A mono, tinny sounding Super Mario Bros speaker without batteries.

Groovy Train

The Farm covered the Human League’s Don’t You Want Me.

I’ve stolen various items from vending machines. When I was an engineer, I quickly figured out that rapid button presses allowed me to get one item from each row for the price of an item from the top row.

Recently, the local machine fucked up and gave me things I didn’t want. Like a vibrating cock ring instead of a bottle of fanta.


The Human League – Being Boiled

Vitalic covered The Normal’s Warm Leatherette. Warm Leatherette features as part of a bootleg mix in the Girls on Top series by Richard X along with the Human League.

I don’t watch much TV, I kind of like it on in the background while I’m messing around on the computer or playing something on the DS/PSP. For most of my life, I’ve used a TV primarily as a monitor.

I’ve destroyed a few TVs in my time. My first widescreen TV was screwed when I plugged an RGB scart into an NTSC gamecube, but my worst experience was strangely prophetic.

But we can rewind to a time before that. My first hack was interrupting a copy of mosquito for the Vic20 and poking the background colour register to avoid black borders because the crappy TV from Makro didn’t like anything with a black background/white area.

The TV was on in the background while I was reading or smoking blunts* or something, and I happened to look up. Cypress Hill were on. I had a Cypress Hill slipmat, I may well still have it somewhere.

I looked up to see the accusatory rapper. He said to me, “When the shit goes down, you better be ready.”. And then he blew up my TV.

* my first blunt was only a few years ago. I had never tried it as we never really had enough grass to do so. One evening I had some cigarillos lying around and some weed from the duftsackli store. I excavated the tobacco from the cigarillo and filled it with grass.

I smoked a tiny piece of this, and put it down as soon as I realised that I was thourougly enjoying the Antiques Roadshow.

Then my father phoned. It was probably the most awkward exchange since he brought me the Chess Set he made and gave me the God talk while I was strung out on buckets.

Join the car crash set

Vitalic – Warm Leatherette

Vitalic – La Rock 01 is also featured on the 2 Many DJs album. I said some links might be tenuous.

I’ve never learned to drive. I tried a few times with my father, my brother and my wife. I don’t get the wheel as an interface to moving the big metal box forward. I’ve been playing computer and video games since before you were born and tend towards an interface that’s disconnected from the wheel ideal.

Some of my most cherished experiences are sitting staring at a monitor or a TV with composite hookup. The time I never went into Space, I had spent the small hours of the morning flying slingshots around the Sun thanks to David Braben.

Back to driving. My first car was 8 bits on a Vic-20 and theres a possibility that I typed it in myself. When the Yaris comes equipped with a Dual Shock, I’ll pass my driving test in seconds. Until then, I’ll prove to be a virtual menace to society thanks to Roadblasters and it’s idealism of shooting everyone else on the road.

If only I’d lived in the USA, I’d have had one of those T-Shirts for a high score.

Thinking about this post has led me to playing the Perils of Willy, a Vic 20 spinoff of Manic Miner/Jet Set Willy that I used to have a poster for in my bedroom many years ago. I was never able to play it as it required either the 8 or 16Kb expansion. I think it must have been the 16Kb one as I remember someone I knew had the 8Kb and could play Happy Shopper, but not this.

Having spent about 90 seconds playing the game, it’s surprising how bad the collision detection is. The sprites overlap, but don’t quite trigger. I can only wonder how amazingly tolerant I was of playing the exact same level again and again after 10 minutes loading compared to the me of today that’s bored if I can’t find what I’m looking for after 3 clicks.

I’m not sure it’s really my fault these days. Everyone feels entitled to everything.


Skee-Lo – I Wish. Skee Lo’s I Wish is included on the As Heard On Radio Soulwax Pt. 2 album, mixed into The Breeder’s Cannonball.

The term Mashup is such a horrible expression. When I were a lad, we had dodgy Italian bootlegs of pretty much anything in the charts. These were subtly(and not so subtly altered *bonus download of Edie Brickell*), yet bringing this fact up to those in the mashup scene only garnered me disdain as it didn’t fit their exactly measured ideals of what a mashup is or was.

Anonymous Italian wasn’t going to steal any crown from the Evolutionary Control Committee as far as ba5tardp0pk1ng505 was concerned, even though The Lesson is really where mashups began. If you’re not familiar with it, Waxy’s got you covered.

Yeah, that’s really something, isn’t it?

As to remixes themselves, very few folk know where it originated. Very few folk care.

Looking beyond the experimentalism of Terry Riley and Steve Reich, the man with the vision was Tom Moulton.

I’ll visit some of the tracks/artists alluded to in the future, but I want to hint as to where I’m going because it’s also where I’m coming from.

I wish I was a little bit taller

The Breeders – Cannonball. Kim Deal of the Breeders was a member of The Pixies.

I’m not particularly tall. That’s life. One of my best friends is at least a foot taller than me. I’m compact and built for speed, not susceptable to Snowspeeder attack from below or sneaky ewoks.

I’m not sure where this post is going right now, so I’ll come back to it later.

Hey, how about I talk about watches instead?

I’ve always had an appreciation of silly watches, as a timepiece is for telling the time primarily and not showing off how much money you have. My favourite watch was a Swatch Musicall that had a melody composed by Philip Glass. It must have absorbed water or something in the past as it became somewhat broken and no longer played the melody correctly. Now it is a one of a kind limited edition circuit bent Philip Glass remix. If only I knew where it was.

Head On

The Pixies covered The Jesus & Mary Chain’s Head On for their Trompe Le Monde album.

Working as a DJ had it’s perks, but also drawbacks. For every attractive girl filrting with you in the hope you’ll play Cute Girl Band – Catchy Guitar Power Pop, there’s a bitter young man that cannot for the life of him understand why you wouldn’t play Obscure Twee Americana Rock Band – The Self Published Years Single Three Mexican Limited Edition 10″ B Side.

I worked with one other guy that had rather poor taste in music and a lack of confidence with women. Failed relationships do that to some folk I guess, but messed up families can be more of a contributing factor. This fellow’s father had a fairly unique collection of movies, or rather a collection of movie scenes. If a film that he had seen previously was on again, the special reel would come out to have a few minutes added to it.

This video cassette featured nothing but explosions and car chases. When we saw it, there was approximately an hour and a half of snippets of movies, edited with all the grace of, well, a car crash.

I’d like to think there was also an accompanying pornography reel, but that one would have been better hidden no doubt.

Last time I met the DJ guy, he was trying to avoid my gaze in a record store. As I’ve moved on from that and don’t see these people anymore, I was determined to rub it in. As it was, he seemed to lack an element of self, with crusted toothpaste around the mouth and lies about how he was an IRC courier coming out of it.